Bubba and Clem's Christmas Party

Bubba and Clem want to throw a Christmas shindig never seen before in the Atlanta dive world or the dive world anywhere. They send Adam over to Mrs. Chen's Chinese joint to fetch em some lunch. Clem tells Adam to order one of each on the list cause theys hungry and the guard gater will eat anything Bubba don't.

While eating all kinda Chinese things that they can't say and warshing it down with a ice kold tall RC Coke Coler, theys a pondering over the upcoming Christmas party. Theys gonna have it at Bubba and Clem's Dive Emporium and Gas Station fer sure. They just gotta decide what to have in the way of vittles and is they gonna have entertainment other than Aunt Rebecca a spitting twenst her tooths. Bubba wants to have sum live music and all kinds of sea feed to ate. Clem likes the idear and they set down to planning the shindig. Betwents the Moo Goo Gia Pan and the Poo Poo palter, they figger it out. Bubba, always thanking, wants to know why they call it Poo Poo?

Theys gonna mail warning cards just like theys dentist, to all the mail list which is up to 14,347 now. They gonna put a nouncement on the web place too. They get 4679 visits a day here. Clem is gonna get his yeller bikini string thang yankee gir to do a TV komercial and therys gonna axe a old friend to talk on a radidio komercial on the top Atlanta Country and Western stations. Theys old friend, who don't want his a name mentioned, is a singing star up in Narshville. Bubba got him out of jail once a long time ago and he didn't forget. He even said he would arrange a top band for the shindig too. Bubba wonders if it will be Michael Jackson or Madonna?

Whats they gonna have to ate at the party? Well, Bubba knows theys want lobster, the Florida kind, not them yankee ones what bite ya. And fish too, and not no fresh water kind neither. They call up theys Sorysota, FL, friend and axe his boy Captain Strip if he can help em out with the feed. See, Captain Strip is a world class hunter, ifin it swims he can kill it, ifin it crawls on the bottom he can catch it. He got all them komercial licenses what allow him to catch all he can. Strip suggested stoned crab claws for the party too. He even said he would drive up there and fetch all the stuff and cook for the party. See, he reely likes ole Bubba.

Strip axes his pappy if he can put together a meat hunt to supply the Christmas party at Bubba and Clem's Dive Emporium and Gas Station. Shore nuff, he says, he will envite a bunch of shooter friends. It will be him and Strip, Larry the lectrician, one of theys instructors Bill and a Divemaster a named Junior. They got a killing grounds where they can fill the boat with amberjerks.

Strip calls up Bubba and axes him how many at the party? Bubba scratches his pumpkin head and ponders this a minute, then he says about 500. Strips says ok but theys will have to buy the lobster and oysters since they out of time. Strip will brang the fish. He is even gonna buy the lobsters and oysters for Bubba down in Florida and brang them to Atlanta with him and his daddy.

The meat hunt day comes early as they pull out of Fisherman's Warf Marine on the Giant Stride at dark thirty. They are going to a wreck and to a place they call Safari for the kill, theys also gonna hit Angle City and Shooting Gallery. They gonna need a lot of fish for Bubba's party. At the first site a place called Junkyard, Strip and Bill and Junior go in the water on the drop and about 30 minutes later, up theys come. The visibility were about 60 feet there. Strip has got 8 AJ's about 20 pounds each, Bill has lost a shaft and Junior has 4 big AJ's, one weighing about 65 pounds. A darn nice start. They move to Safari now as Strip's pappy and Larry go down. When they come up, Larry has so many 12-15 pound AJ's he can hardly swim. The old man has an 80 pound Cobia, two 20 pound gag groupers and 4 30 pound AJs. They group is on a roll and the coolers are filling up. They want to get 800 pounds of fish for the party. At Angle City Bill and Strip go down and Bill hits the jackpot, he nails a 65 pound AJ and four 8 pound mango snappers. Strip gets a stinger full of big mangos and a 12 pound AJ. Its off to the Shooting Gallery for Larry the lectrician and the old guy. Larry nails a perfect kill shot on a big cobia, must weigh 50 pounds and he fills the stringer with big mangos. The old man gets four 30 pound AJs and a stinger full of mangos and two 12 pound hogfish. The old boy gets 17 shovelnose lobsters.

Theys all tired and ifin it twernt for the Nitrox, theys laying on the deck with the dead fish. When they get back to the dock at Fisherman's Warf, they start to clean the fish. Theys a hurling fish bodys and parts into the water almost faster than the pellykanc can get em, almost. When theys done theys got 250 pounds of cleaned fillets. Enough for the party. Strip rings up Bubba and telled him ther good news. Bubba said to buy 500 lobsters and 1500 oysters, and 300 pounds od stoned crab claws. Strip stops at Captain Eddy's fish house on the way back to Sorysota, FL, and axes Eddy to have the order reedy on Friday. Eddy is even gonna make 100 pounds of smoket mullets dip too. Theys gonna leave at noon o'clock Friday for the 550 mile drive to Atlanta, Strip will be a driving. He drives like a bat out of some haint hole in Mexico. Its 500 miles to Atlanta and they will be there in about 6 hours.

Bubba rangs up the Varsity's katering number and orders feed for 500 peoples too in addition to the seefeed. Heck what's left over can go to the guard gater and Rudy. They plan of giving the extra fish to poor folks out in East Point. Theys hearts is a hole lot bigger than theys brains.

Bubba and Clem head out to Sam's to get paper plates, cups, napkins and all of the kondoments for the party. Theys had a truk fetch in 312 cases of tall RC Coke Colers in bottles. They gotr 2 big ice machines at the dive stor. They gonna rent tables and chairs.

Its a good thing Bubba and Clem's Dive Emporium and Gas Station has a extra lot of each side so they be room for all the folks. They set up a stage for the band and they get a lectrician to hook up the juice for them gitters and keyboards and mikrofones. Bubba is scaret of lectricty, he shuts power off to the house to change a lectric light bulb.

They need sum pretty girls to be waiters fer the party. Clem rangs up Hooters and hires up 20 of the prettiest ones to work the party. Theys gonna wear them skimpy orange shorts and shirts what are too tight. Yes, life be good.

All is set, the party is tomorrow and now its time for sum rest. This is theys first Christmas party and they want it to be talked about for years to come. Money is no object, theys going all out. Clem just hopes some folks show up...

TO BE CONTINUED