Bubba and Clem Dive em a Rock Quarrie

Bubba reely likes that new computer with the AOL thang on it. He learns so much about scuba reading what them legends, at least in their own mind, say in de scuba forum. He been talking to nother cave divn girl he meeted in downtown Decature, GA, she were dar doing sum bidness and seen the T Shirt what Bubba had on. It were one of them new Bubba and Clem Dive Emporium and Gas Station ones. Thees one only has a few Varsity chili dawg stains on it. Thes here lady is reel smart and is a reel cave divr.

Well to make a long story short, bet you hereed that before? Bubba been reading about people fussen and fuming about divn in som rock quarrie up north and gottn laughed at fer lookn stupid. Sounded kinda fun so Bubba axed Clem ifen he wanted to strap on all their high tech scuba stuff and dive in a rock quarrie. Clem said heck yes they could have em a picknick too. Bubba membered that ole boy down in Sorysota, FL, that he dived with telling him bout a rock quarry he dived in many years ago in a place called Hogansville, GA. He even gived em directions to get there.

Well they figgered they would do the rock quarrie next Wednesday. They didn't want to do it on a weekend since the reel red necks goes there to drank some Miller beer and shine, smoke Camel cigarettes, and kiss on theys women.

Bubba and Clem was gonna be there on a weekday and not hav to contend wid the white trash.

They would invite em a couple girls to go too. But first they had to get the fixens fer the picknick, Theyed go down to the Piggly Wiggly grokery sto to shop. They need to get some pickled pigs feet and them biled eggs what you get in a bar. They would fry em up some chicken gizzards to take. A big ole watermelon is required fer a picknick. They also gte em a pint of tater salad, sum beenieweenies and took along a gallen jug of sweet tea, the kind that would float a quarter.

Clem rings up that yeller bikini string thang gal all the way up to New Jerk City. The slick devil even called her up collect. He said he buyed her a airplane ticket to come divn with em. She jumped at the offer. We tjink se be getting sewwt on ole Clem.

Bubba could only get the chicken neck cutting girl at the Piggly Woggly to go wid him. She wernt no divr so see could watch the truck and keep anybody from messing wid they stuff. She was made kinda nice but had some reel dental problems, she could eat corn through a barbed wire fence two rows back. But she were nice and smelled reel good and could eat her weight in fried chicken.

They loaded up Bubba's shinny new Fod truck, the kind with four dors, air conditioning, cd player and all the fancy stuff the man down in Jonesborough could sell him. They was gonna stop at Hartsfield Aereoport and fetch that cute yankee gal wid the yeller bikini strang thang on their way downs to Hogansville quarrie. They was listning to Faith Hill on the cd thing. Yeller bikini string thang yankee gal come a running out the door at the Delta section and hugged up on ole Clem. He were a grinning like a possum in a corn crib.

Well when that gots to the quarrie, theys was the onlyst one there. They setted up their dive stuff and Bubba gandered over at the yeller bikini yankee girl and low an behold she were already ready in her 65 tank and the 3 feet long fins. Bubba wondered how she could div with that little air. Heck, him and Clem had double 120's.

They meandered down to the edge of the quarrie careful not to trip over beer cans and other red neck stuff throwed amuck. They kinda fell into the water and waved goodby to the corn eating girl. The three of em was gonna dive all over that rock hole and see what them folks on AOL was talking about in them rock quarries. They kept running into rocks and each other since you couldn't see more dan 2 feet. This was posed to be a good quarrie with life in it. The group were lucky, they seen, both fish and all 7 blades of grass as well as a heap of beer cans.

The had enough of this reel quick and now they were realizing that that Caption down in Sorysota, FL, were rite when he said fresh water had only two purposes - to mix with Scotch whiskey and to take showers in. Bubba run plum into sumthing and as he looked at it it were a duffle bag what had writ on the side Brinks. It twas heavy but he toted it back to the top by inflating his new parachute thing with the lifter deal.

They come outa the water an dragged the sack to shore, wondering what was in it? Well they opened it up an low an behold it were filled with money all wrapped up. Bubba, member he be the dumb one of the pair, figgered must be at least a couple hundred dollers there. But Clem realized that each stack of hundreds added up to a heap. They layed it out on a flat rock to dry and have that cute yankee gal in the yeller bikini string thang count it cause she were a college graduate.. On the sack was writ Brinks Security.

The money was a drying in the hot Georgia sun on a flat rock, so they decided to set about to eating the vittles that had bring wid em. It twas a sight fer sore eyes to see that girl wid the dental problem eat a chicken neck. She kinda put it in her mouth and held her teefs shut and pulled the bone out clean as if it had been in an ant bed. Bubba wanted to giggle but he knowed better. They was stuffed after eating everything in site.

The money was dry now and the yeller bikini string thang yankee girl set to a counting. Well 3 hours later she come up with a number - $2,187,234. Hot damn. Our heroes had em nother dilemma, keep the cash or give it back to the real owner. Hum.... They was gonna ponder that all the way home. Bubba were glad he had his pistol underen the seat.

TO BE CONTINUED

Bubba and Clem stories copyight FDU, Inc., 1998