Bubba and Clem Have A Go At U/W Hockey

Bubba was a sitting at the Bubba and Clem Dive Emporium and Gas Station and was watching ESPN on the satellite TV. He was disappointed, he wanted to watch them pretty gals wiggle when they do them aerobic things, but theys were showing a Hockey match, Bubba a yelled to Clem to brang his scrawny butt over here and a look at this. Clem a yelled from the Nitrox making machine that Hockey is a yankee game and he ain't gonna look at it. No, hollers Bubba, this here is underwater hockey. Clem decides to take a look see. They watch for a while before eating lunch.

They wanted to have a pitza for lunch so Clem rung up the local pitza joint and had them fetch over a super giant pie. He had them put everything they had on the pitza, pille it up he said. Bubba don't like them little guppy fish that stank they sumtimes put on a pie. Bubba done spilled pitza juice on his new t shirt that said "I be a Alabama tech divr". Darn. They talked about this u/w hockey stuff and even went to the computor and a looked it up on the spider thing, ya know, the web.

They decided they wanted to have a go at it but didn't know how to go about it. Bubba membered they had a friend that they meet in Mexico, a yankee feller from up in the Baaston area, that played reel good u/w hockey. They would have to rang him up, collect of course.

Ole Joe Gomes a tells Clem to brang his butt up to Baaston and brung along Bubba and he would learn the boys the finer arts of the game. And they would get to play a game against some tech divers from New Jerk City. And Clem would get to see his yankee gal in the yeller bikini string thang.

Joe is a being so nice, Bubba is gonna brung him a poke full of Varsity chilire dawgs and a jar of Uncle Elmer's pig foots and biled eggs. Clem a warns Bubba that Joe might not appreciate the great food he is a fetching cause them yankees don't eat right nohow.

Clems a rings up Delta airplane lines and books him and Bubba first class seats to Baaston. Member the free goobers and real Coke A Colers since than ain't got no RC Coke Coler on the Delta planes. Theys gonin nex Tueday, Clem figgers it time to learn how to play that wet hockey and be reel good time they get to Joe' cement pond. They bound to be better than yankees at anything.

See what many folks don't know is that Bubba and Clem do a bunch a working up a sweet with the weights and that sea shell thing they call Nautilus and theys swim a lot every day. Each of em does 4 miles in the pond. They race each other in the 800 yard swim with the mask, snorkel and flippers on. Bubba always wins and his time is an average of 10 minutes 22 seconds. Clem is a couple body lengths behind. He ain't never beeted Budda. They also swim underwater in theys cement pond, booth of them can easy do 2 laps ( 50 yards ) on a one breath. Bubba can hold hissen breath for 2 minutes easy. The boys be in sum kinda shape. They worn't gonna tell Joe this, theys gonna surprize him.

Clem takes a sit down in front of theys computer and a summons up the web place and looks up stuff about underwater hockey on web places what Joe e-mailed him. "Underwater Hockey is a game played by two teams of 10 players each. 6 players are in the water at any one time with the remaining 4 swop outs waiting out of the water. The reserves can swop in as often as needed whenever its needed as long as there are only 6 players of the team in the water at any one time." What could be hard about that?, Bubba whines. "As you may have guessed the game is played by holding your breath with the lead puck sitting at the bottom of the pool. The pool is usually about 1.8m to 2m deep, although some pools push limits and are about 2.5m deep. The puck is played with a 25 cm long hockey stick which looks absolutely nothing like a land hockey stick. The stick is used to push the puck along the bottom of the pool and to flick it either at goal or towards a team member. This allows the game to move incredibly fast because the puck can lift up to about 30cm off the floor of the pool and there is no friction between the tile floor and the puck. Other items of equipment necessary are Swimming fins, Scuba mask and Snorkel. You will also need a stick and glove."

Bubba is kinda worried that his butt might be out in the air in water as shaller as 1.8m, what is a "m" anyhow? A "cm"? And what is a "puck"? Clem is reel worried that Bubba wont be able to say "puck" right and get em arrested. Must be sum kinda ferin talk since hockey is a reel sport up in Canader. Bubba is gonna go down to Thomaston, GA, and cut em a couple sticks from a tree out at the old mill house where the feller from Sorysota, FL, pappy were born..

Clem is a worried about his tooths, he seen hockey players on the ESPN what look like they got behind a bad cow, they had only 3 teeth like Bubba's Aunt Sarah Clark. But she could really spit snuff out of that mouth. Clem is reel proud of his smile and he ain't never had a filling in his life. The Dentist feller says it must have been all the milk he drank. The womens like his pretty smile too.

TO BE CONTINUED