Clem Gets a Traffic Ticket

Bubba and Clem settled in back home and played with Rudy and the guard gater. Adam telled them that's theys in trouble again causen a neighbor lady's cat strayed into the pool are by crawling over the 10 feet fence and got ate by the gator. All that was left was some fur. This is the third cat the guard gater done ate. Clem will get her a new cat and a quart of Jack Daniels, she be happy then. That lady must have 41 of them yeller cats. Too bad the gater likes cat.

Clem is got to go to the lawyers office at 10 o'clock this morning and he telled Bubba that he will fetch a box or 7 of Varsity chili dogs back with him. Bubba grins like a pig in a pee patch. Rudy is now a beggin too.

Clem pays a visit to the lawyer man, a reel good ole boy name of Morris. Clem need advise on some of his lottery winnings. The bank says hes got $24,234,671.11 in the account now. He a wants to envest some in the stock market, wid that much money he figgers he can get a heap of cows and horses.

After all the lawyering, Clem heads off to the Varsity and orders 13 chili dogs, 7 chili steaks, and some rings of onions in a to go box, actually it twere in 5 boxes. Clem a pulls out into traffic on North Avenue and heads for Peachtree Street when he spies a police car in the rear view mirrow of his 1998 Corvette convertible. The policewoman is a wanting him to pull over. He obliges and she sashays up to his vette as if she were looking for a fight. She axes Clem how fast he was a going? He tells her about 45. She tells him she clocked him at 72.76 mph coming out of the Varsity. Hot darn Clem says, he still ain't used to the power of that Corvette. She is a kinda cute youngish gal so Clem smiles his great smile and axes her if she wants some chili dogs. Well she got madder than a wet cat and accused Clem of bribing her with the chili dogs. He couldn't understand her temper cause he was just being nice. She must be from New Jerk City where rude is normal. She writs Clem a ticket and goes her own way.

Clem heads on back to Bubba and Clem's Dive Emporium and Gas Station to deliver the feed and to ate with Bubba. He tells the story of the police woman to Bubba and he says that he gonna have to pay the fine, $150.00, and go to Traffic School to get the points removed from his drivers permit. Clem says after lunch he would call up the driver's school and get registered for a class. They commence to ate the huge meal of greasy things from the Varsity. Bubba tosses the guard gater a chili dog and one to Rudy too.

Bubba got Varsity grease all over his fresh washed I Dove the Andrea T Shirt that he got on a blue light special down at the K Mart in Waycross, GA. He grabs the new Rodale's divin magazine and a heads off to the library.

Clem rings up a drivers school he finded in the yeller pages and axs them when he can get in a class. A funny talking lady name of Lucendia tells him that a class will be nex Thursday at the Days Inn out off the Interstate and it would cost him $39.25. He axes her how long it will last and what do he got to brung. She says he can't be later than 5 till 6 pm and the State law says they gotta lock the door at 6 pm and he can't leave till 10 pm. She made it sound like going to jail not school. Poor woman must hate her mother for naming her Lucendia and that's what's making he so snippy.

He and Bubba got a meeting at 4 pm with the Mares salesman. They gonna order $50,000 worth of Mares masks, fins, computers, regulators, and wet suits. They figger the rep will spring for supper with that order. Clem done got the order all set up on an Excel spreadout sheet and will give it to him on a disk. They done seen all the new stuff last time he twere here. Bubba is worried where they will go to ate.

Clem ain't hisself neither. He has took to worrying. He finally tells Bubba that he is worried that in the traffic school they will call him by his reel name. Seems that Clem's mother wanted a girl child reel bad but had 7 boys fore Clem come along. Since he twere the last en she could make, she done named him Clemintine. He got whipped up on in school till he turned 12 and was in the 3rd grade. He shortened the name to Clem and started fighting reel good. He growed a bunch that year too. Since then nobody ever called him Clemintine cept his mom and Aunt Willie May. No body in theys right mind would even think of calling this gentile giant that today. See, Clem stands 6'5" and weighs about 248.3 pounds. He put together like a brick outhouse and is strong as a bull. He don't wanna have to slap upside the head someone at the school if theys call him by the reel name.

TO BE CONTINUED