Clem Go Postal...

Bubba and Clem had to do sum shoppen for presants fer some friends birthdays. Clem's yankee gal in thew yeller bikini string thang and theys pal in Sorysota, FL, had got birthdeys and they need to send em presants.

Theys gonna kilt 3 birds with one hunk a rock and have lunch at theys favorite joint on the way over to the Post Office. Scuse me, that's two birds.

Varsity for lunch, again, Bubba is a wondering what the po folks is a doing fer lunch. He is sumkinda hungry. He orders him 7 chili dawgs with heavy onions and a couple chili steaks, some rings of onion and a Varsity Orange drank, Clem say to double that order. Clem even has him a peach ice-cream cone fer desert.

The Post Office ain't far away so they head over there, they had to come in Bubba's truk cause them presants won't fit in the Vette.

They a pull into the Post Office and wonder what is a going on? Is they a sale on stamps or sumthang? The parking lot is so full you can't park within 2 mile of the place. Theys a line double wrapped around the place. Ever kind folk is in that line, theys old folks, young folks, pretty folks, butt-ugly folks, theys one woman must weigh 350 pounds buck naked. Theys black folks, white folks, injun folks, all kinda foreign folks, some folks with head wounds causen theys got a towel wrapped on theys noggin. Theys some folks what smell good and some what stank. Clem hoped with all these many folks that nobody had the gas.

Bubba just figgered out that theys a mailing Christmas presants is why so many folks is there.

They got to get these here presants a mailed for theys leave for Baastan to play hocky in the cement pond with Joe Gomes, theys other yankee pal.

Clem is a send a reel nice custom-made gold necklace and hanging thing to the yeller bikini string thang yankee gal. He had it made by a friend of the Sorysota, FL, feller when theys were down there in Florida. This feller, Terry Coffrin, was a heck of a jeweler. Bubba is a sending her a $500 gift certificate to Victoria's Secret underbritches store.

They got that Sorysota, FL, feller a gold Rolex watch for being theys pal and for being so good to them. Theys went in half on the watch cause it costed a bunch. It were the second one that had bought, the first one was a genuine fake Rolex. Theys didn't want to give a friend no fake nothing, so thay had to get another one.

They waited in the Post Office line for three and three quarter hours till they got within 7 peoples from geting a waited on. Bubba was a getting ansy cause he needed to go to the potty but he wern't gonna use no Post Office potty

This Post Office place must be great place to work. No work ain't the right word, place to be employed. They watched the stamp sellers take a brake every thirty minutes ands were gone for 15 minutes. It didn't matter that there twere 432 peoples in line. They must have been eight of them postal people just a standing around doing absolutely nuting all the time.

When Clem got up to the counter, the feller there put a sign up right in front of Clem what said "This Station Closed", Clem went ballistic or is that "postal" and yelled for the boss. All kinda folks back in line was a cheering and a clappen for Clem. To make a long story short, Clem as well as Bubba got theys stuff mailed. It onlyst took four hours and 22 minutes to get it done.

Bubba said next time they will use USP or Red Ex to send stuff. Lesson learnt the hard way. But the important thang is that theys friends will get theys birthday presants, and that's all that really matters. Friends is what counted most in this here world. The guard gater will keep the store safe while theys gone.

TO BE CONTINUED