Redneck Computer Terms

LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.

LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.

DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.

UPLOAD: When ya'll pile into the truk ta go ta church.

MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin' the farwood.

FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin' to carry too much farwood.

RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.

DELETE: Movie-stars an rich folk.

HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.

PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.

WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside.

SCREEN: Whut to shut when it's black fly season.

BYTE: Whut dem horse flys do.

CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.

MICRO CHIP: Whut's left in the bottom of the munchie bag.

MODEM: Whacha did to the hey fields.

DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.

LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.

KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the ole keys.

SOFTWARE: Them dumb plastic forks and knifs.

HARDWARE: What you buy at the tool store.

TYPING: When yer sortin' out males from females in a litter.

MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn.

MAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn ruf.

ENTER: Northerner talk fer, C'Mon in Y'all.

RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the

hayrake when yer wife asks.

FAX: What Dot Matrix and Lulabelle Hiemerman shares with everybody when

they visit - They knows some fax about pert near everyone.

FEEDBACK: When ya cain't keep yer dinner down.

MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.

FILES: What'cha sharpen the ax blade with.

PRINTING: When the cat leaves dirty paw tracks on the hood of the pick-up.

LASER: A fool dog that won't work.

SATELLITE: A saddle that ain't heavy.

HARD (er) DRIVE: Haulin' a big load of manure over the hill to fertilize the

field.

INTERNET: Whut ya want the fish down at the pond to do.

THE WEB: Whut gets stuck in yer hair an on yer clothes when ya walk through

granny's attic.