Diving Wid Captain Tom in the Delta

Bubba and Clem are all rested from the dive adventure in Cozumel with the folks from Sorysota, FL. He even was able to smuggle the Bromeliads back into the US of A. The customs man was a lazy sort and couldn't care less what you brung in. The scuba man down there was gonna go with our heroes to dive the awl rigs with Captain Tom Rake but he has to go off to Egypt to teach a PADI instructer class. So it will be just Bubba and Clem, no wait, Clem done axed the yankee gal in the yeller bikini string thang to go too and she were gonna brung a friend to be Bubba's dive buddy.

Tom Rake is a highly experienced Master Capn, he do have a strange habit of keeping a darn mad dog wid him at all times.

Clem sends Adam out to warsh and wax the scuba bus and to vacuum out the insides.

Bubba and Clem head off to the Piggly Wiggly to get provisions for the trip to Louisanner. Theys need a couple dozen cases of RC Coke Colers, a crate of Moon Pies, the chocolate ones only, two dozen loafs of white bread, some condiment stuff like mustard and hot sauce, and some Vienna sausages. Theys gonna hit the Varsity as they leave town for the main foods.

Clem is sure to have the new Garth Brooks CD in the player as well as a bunch of other music as long as it twere either country or western, Clem don't want to be called narrow minded, heck, he reely likes both kinds of music.

Bubba is a dying to know sumthing about the new diver gal the ole yeller thang is bringing but she won't tell him nuthing cept her name is Barbara and she is from Bastan. This worries Bubba a little cause peoples from up there be way too conservative for him and theys talk a bit funny too.

The plan is to meet the girls at the Atlanta airport Thursde night in the scuba bus and head off towards New Awlins.

Before ya no it, Thursde comes and they load up the bus with all the vittles and dranks, fill it up at the diesel store and drive off to that North Avenue institution called the Varsity. They has writ down an order list to give to the man in the red Varsity hat at the take em out counter. Since theys bringing a couple of more folks, Clem figgers to double the order, cause he knows that the yankee gal in the yeller bikini string thang can eat a heap for such a tiny thing. So theys order, member its a long ride to Cajun country, 43 chili dawgs, 18 chili steaks, 10 regular hamburgers, 9 dawgs with mustard and catsup and 16 bags of rags. He has the Varsity man put a couple of take out boxes full of powerful smelling onions too.

They pull up to the pick em up area outside the Delta baggage place to fetch the gals. Theys police men all over a blowing theys whistles and yelling at the peoples. He knowed the was there causen they called his cellular telephone soon as theys landed. Ole yeller a runs up to Clem and hugs him big And plants a big kiss smack on his lips. Then she commences to introduce Barbara to our heroes. Barbara is a reel pretty lady with dark hair and a nice shape, she does have that New England kinda voice, but Bubba can forgive that cause she be pretty and smells like lilacs in the Springtime. She gives both Bubba and Clem a hug and then gets into the scuba bus, the one painted just like a dive flag, all white with a red stripe on it. The yeller bikini string thang yankee gal axs "what died in the bus?'" causen she smelled them nasty Varsity onions and dawgs. You get used to the stank.

Bubba don't want to take no chance on another hijacking in the bus so he put a shotgun up by the drivers seat and has a Colt 45 under the seat. Clem is armed too, but his stuff is in a crate in the back. He got a Uzi that's full auto and 11 hand grenades and a M16 too. After all, they is going to Louisanna and since they ain't never been there, theys waqnt to bew prepared.

As they head towards the Delta on the hard road, Clem is a passing out the feeds and RC Coke Colars. The new yankee gal, Barbara, ain't sure if you posed to eat them dawgs or walk them. She trys one and is a hooked. Everybody piles the fresh onions on high and eats till they can't. Bubba stains hissen t shirt with that orange Varsity greese, this shirt says "I Dived the Titanic".

Yeller and Clem ease off to the back of the bus to sit in the dark and "talk", leaving the new yankee gal to chat with Bubba, the driver. Bubba takes a shine to her and she tells him about diving all over the place and all the fun she has had. She tells Bubba all about living up near Bastan and about cold weather and snow. Bubba just wonders why anybody would live like that, specially a smart lady like Barbara.

As they head across the Florida panhandle through LA, theys wave at all kinda folks out the winders of the scuba bus. They even come across a reel nice bunch of fellers from New Jerksey, theys could causen the licen plate on the car said so, twas one of them feren cars, a BMW, well anyhows, them fellers in that car waved at the bus with theys middle finger. Bubba said that all yankees ain't bad, these here fellers sure waved nice. Barbara is a just shaking her head in amazement.

Bubba and Clem a feel right at home here cause everybody down here has the same paint jobs on theys cars and truks, nary a fender, hood or door is the same color and the main color is "primer red". Clem said its just like home here cause everyone has an old washing machine or refrigerator in the yard. Clem members reeding that when that Bill feller from Arkansaw moved to the White House, theys was a big stink about keeping the old appliances off the lawn up there.

The girls sure wonder where theys are when they stop for diesal gas in Mississippi. Barbara and yeller bikini string thang yankee gal sure thinks the folk down here talks funny. Nobody knows anything specific 'round here, fer example, you ask the clerk "how much is that" he says "not much"; "how far is it", "not far"; "what street do I turn at", "ya cain't miss it"; "what time is it?", "not late". Barbara is a thinking she fell in a time warp and ended up is the way back past. "Am I a dreaming?", she wonders.

Next stop is at a joint a called Freds in Gran Mamou, Louisanna. This here joint is famous causen theys broadcast a radio station from it. Theys got live Cajun music and dancing. Fred's ex wife a woman name of Sue, will do sum sanging ifin yous axe her. She has a reel bad sanging voice and couldn't carry a tune in a poke sack, but the folks chant for her to sang. Ole yeller bikini string thang yankee gal do love to dance and she and ole Clem have a go at it. She is a wiggling like a worm on a hot road. Everybody on the joint is a looking at her shake all over. Barbara tries to get ole Bubba to dance with her but he falls on his butt when he trips over a shoelace, Bubba ain't much fer dancn, he better at flirtin.

Them Cajun womens is so bee-u-tiful with theys black hair, dark eyes and complexion. Everyst one of em has got a reel big knife. Theys always got some fellers a named Thibideaux or Arcineaux a hanging around like dogs in heet, and them ole boys got even bigger knives.

Barbara remembers a song with words "living in the Delta is quite a show". She fully believes it now.

They point the scuba bus South and head off into the thick of Cajun Country deep in the heart of the Delta. It won't be long till they get to where Captain Tom Rake keeps his huge crew boat. Bubba wonders ifin ole Tommie Rank has got him a reel big knife too?

TO BE CONTINUED