The First Class

Bubba and Clem are back in Atlanta from theys trip to bekome instructors in Nocatee and Ft Liquordale, Florida. Theys reel proud of themseves. Bubba was the top gun at the IE followed reel close by Clem. Only 3 peoples flunked out and theys from a director of courses in Texas, theys flunked causen of dem written tests.

The ride back went uneventful, theys stopped 4 times to eat Krystal burgers ( Ocala, Fla, Lake City, Fla, Cordeal, Ga, and Macon, Ga ) and a couple of timers to throw up along the side of the road.

Theys in the Dive Emporium and Gas Station now planing on doing a dive class, the first one all by theyselves. It about time fer lunch and Rudy needs to go out too, Rudy is reel smart he can walk hisselve cause Bubba taught him how to go in the yard reel good. Bubba remembers they ain't got no name fer the alligator yet and its worrying on him, no self respecting gator ain't got no name. Bubba wants him a dozen Varsity chili dogs heaped with onions but Clem ops for a pizza. He seen an ad on the radio fer genuine New Jerk City pizzas and wanted to try it ( he don't miss New Jerk nary a bit, but he do miss that cute little gal in the yeller bikini strang thing ). He phones em up and orders a couple of pies wid everything cept them little smelly guppies they sumtimes put on a pie.

They yack some more whiles a waiting the pies. The delivery girl brings em and Clem pays for them and gives her a $5 tip. They commence to ate the pies . Bubba folds up a slice and shoves it into hissen behemoth mouth but a big wad of pizza-salve ( sauce fer you ignorant ones ) and cheese drops on hissen brand new T shirt he got at the Wal-Mart in Stoned Mountain, GA, what says " I doved the Andrea Doria" whatever that is, Bubba just like the color and it were on sale 3 fer $10, he weared one and used the othern to wax hisen truk with.. Now it is stained with pizza.

Back to the class, Clem sets up a price for the class that is twice what other dive shops charge. He figgers they be netter and have a nicer cement pond. He is gonna charge $450 a head. They run an ad on the TV with a pretty gal what kinda looked like that cute gal from theys IDC, the one from Pittsburgh, telling how much she loved divn and get 46 peoples to sign up that day. Theys gonna have to set up several classes fer this many folks. Bubba figgers theys gonna be rich.

Well low and behold every one of them folks needs to buy mask snorkel fins and lead fer the class. Theys come in all sizes, the students, that is, theys one feller that must be 9 feet tall and weigh half a ton, and one 12 years old girl that, soaking wet with blue jeans with a handful of quarters in em and a sweatshirt on, might way 60 pounds. Bubba and Clem is gonna have em a fitting nightmare wid this here bunch. But customer service is the name of the game and theys swore to treat theys customers like theys wanted to be treated. After all theys other dive shops they can go to. The boys give every student a brand new Bubba and Clam's Dive Emporium and Gas Station T-shirt, and none of them have got no pizza stains on em.

The class were gonna work out reel good. Theys learnt how to do it from that good ole boy in Sorysota, Fla, he uses that there CD RAMer thang to send home wid the students. At home theys do the CD thang and print out theys homework and brings it in to Bubba and Clam's Dive Emporium and Gas Station to be checked and to take theys tests. Then Clem sets up a time fer em in the cement pond. Theys open water dives are set up every two weeks to go to Panama City down in LA in the "scubabus". The cost of the trip to LA is extra. Theys can dive in a big ole lake near Atlanta called Lake Lanier for no extra cost but Bubba thinks that diving in a lake is as dumb as diving in a rock query. Bubba thanks fresh water has only two purposes - mixing wid scotch and showering in ( on Saturday nights ). Only thang dumber he thanks is diving in that big fish tank with the Mouse down in Florida.

Well theys got to fit a couple for new dive stuff. John Mitchel and hissen wife SaraBeth need all the toys. John he be a big ole boy, about 6'3 and 240 pounds whereas SaraBeth is 5'8 and 135 pounds. Bubba has them try on a bunch of masks, about 56 of them. They finds some reel good looken ens that fit good too. Then Clem heps wid the flippers. The lady likes them Avanti Quattros in pink but her hubby is shining on them new Apollo fins what look like theys been cut with a chain saw. He is a banker so hes got tons of money. Heck them sawed up looken flippers cost $175 a pair. Bubba figgers he can go to Decatur and get him a hundred pair of old fins from the Army Navy store and take a chain saw to em, that there Bubba is always thinking. He can buy them for $3 a pair, cut em up fer free and sell em for $125. They get fitted with lead for the class BCs which hold lead in pockets, theys the cool ones from SeaQuest. Theys come in boys and girls models. Now they wanted a skin suit and Clem heped them fit those too. He wanted a slate to writ on and some other small stuff plus two of them big ole SeaQuest bags wid the wheels and the telescoping handles.

John told Bubba that he and SaraBeth would buy BCs and regulators and computers and wet suits if theys like divn. He just knowed that they would, he hopes Clem remembers to tie up the gator before they get in the pool. It took him a month but Bubba got that guard gator housebroke where he don't go to the bathroom in the cement pond no more but he still has to walk him on a leash.

There tab come to $1327.84. Not too shabby and theys got a heep more stuff to sell the other students. Clem is handing out them CD things like candy. Life is reel good. PADI gonna love the boys for buying so much stuff and them certification envelopes too, theys last PADI order come to $6,346.23 and they need to reorder sum more soon.

Bubba went down to the Wolf camera sto and bought them a Polaroid Passport camera what takes two pictures at once. Every student needs to supply two pictures of themseves for the class. He gonna charge them students $9 for the pictures. This dive shop bidness is a reel license to steal. Life is reel good and getting gooder.

Bubba so happy he gonna spring for dinner at the Colonels tonight. He don't get much on hissens shirt at that there Colonels chicken house.

TO BE CONTINUED