High Tech Red Neck Divers

The Bubba and Clem Saga

The high-tech redneck diver Bubba and his cousin Clem went on a dive trip to Cozumel. They were of the new breed of divers the teckies. They came in a dive store in LA ( that's Lower Alabama for the uneducated among ya ). These good ole boys made the dive stores day/month/quarter. They bought two of everything. They had to have double steel 120 tanks of course and a couple of high tech regulators ( one of them has a 13.45 meter hose, Bubba wanted to use meter to impress his cousin Rafiel up in New Jerk City ) and half a dozen computers, a knife for each leg ( one with a 10" blade ) and one for each arm and one of them slick lil cutters that cut fishen line. These boys have custom made dive skins that have every patch they could sew ( I mean make their old ladies sew ) on them. They have a set of super "el stiffo" fins with stainless steel thrust plates built in. Their mask is all black ( Clem even thought he needed to paint the lens black. These guys thought they were cool cause they needed only 12 pound weight belts. And they had a super duper BCD with 8 wings ( looked like it belonged on the space shuttle ). On the BCD they had every toy in the dive store and in Johnsons Hardware Store. They had a pouch ( actually a custom built job from an ole tater sack ) crammed full of stuff - a spare knife sheath, 10 rescue flares, a can of Skoll, and a PBJ sandwich in a jifflock bag , and a 1/4 roll of TP, and Clem had something in a tin foil wrapper but he wouldn't tell us what it was ). And strapped on this BCD was a lift bag that would hoist a '53 Buick off the bottom attached to one of them cave diving reels with 7.3 miles of rope hooked on it. In another pouch was a copy of the NEW Naui Nitrox text, Bubba had two copies. This fancy BCD has 4 inflates and each has one of those air alert thangs. And strapped on the back was another bag full of really high tech toys - a 406 EPIRB, more flares, yellow smoke can, mirrors ( Clem saud he wernt gonna shave on this dive he didn't need no stinkin mirror ) and a Milky Way bar and some cheese crackers, but the coolest thang was the new GPS unit with a 400' antenna. Clem vetoed the safety sausage, he said sausage gave him gas and Jimmy Deans was not safe.

Now these ole boys had training, you better believe it, they sought some of the best Teckie Trainers in the land but settled on Willy, the oil change specialist at Fred's Citgo. This dude had more instructor ratings than Clem could count - and he listed them when he writ on the computer. Willy was a member of the Deep Bottom of the River explorers team and drove a Dodge truck. He told the guys about redundant things but Bubba thought REDUNDANT was something you caught and had to take Penicillin fer.

The boys were trying to determine if they needed to wear their custom built dry costumes with the little fancy bottle to pump them up. The water temperature was only 84 F. They looked around the boat and saw some girl divers wearing only a bikini. So they figgered they could skip the dry costume and little tank that came with it.

They looked around the boat and saw divers from Kansas, Texas, California, Florida, West Virginia, but nobody else from LA. They said in a whisper to each other that look at them divers they don't have a tenth of the stuff we got they must not be super divers like us. Doggon only one tank and no skyrockets?