Underwater Hockey, oh puck, part 2

Bubba and Clem are on theys way to the Atlanta airport in Bubba's truk to head off to Baaston. Oh course theys setting in the big seats up in first class. Bubba a says if he didn't have first class he would have no class at all. In spite of the fact that theys get free goober pees and dranks, ole Bubba never leaves home without him a sack of vittles. Guess what he done brung fer him and Clem? No not Varsity dawgs nor Krystal burgers, and no pitza with guppys neither. This time he brung a poke sack of samwitches made with mustard and sardines with a slice of Vidalia onion on em. They will a drank the free airplane dranks. Clem hopes the plane ride is short cause sardines and onions do a number on Bubba's stomach.

Bubba is reel excited about going to Baaston fer a couple reasons. One to see Joe Gomes, theys pal, and play that hockey game against the techie divers from New Jerk City, fellers wid names like Vinny, Tony, Guido. Bubba just knows theys gonna have a knife on em sumwheres. Two is to get to see all the histery places like the South Church and Lexington and Gettysberg in Baaston cause he is a histery fan. Third is to see Barbara, the cute yankee gal that wented to the Delta, not the airplane company, the wet one out in Louisanner, to dive with Tom Take with the boys. Clem is hoping the yankee gal in the yeller bikini string thang will a come up to see him.

Clem brakes out some stuff he done printed on the computor about water hockey. Him and Bubba is the onlyst ones in the spensive seats up in the front of the airplane. They got two of them flying waitress to tend them. Clem a reads out loud whilst Bubba reklines in his big seat.

Clem starts to a reeding out loud..." Teams are 6 person each, but you can play with four to eight. The pool should be 25m x 15m and 2m deep all the way across, but anything will do, even slopes (just change ends at halftime). Lead weights and rope can be used as goals (3m long) until someone with the right connections to make aluminum goals starts playing. The puck can be a 3cm thick slice of 8cm diameter brass bar, or lead poured into a small tuna can, and sticks can be cut from scrap wood (about a foot long) and painted black or white (that's also how you identify the two teams). Gloves can be old dive gloves or even garden gloves, covered in duct tape, neoprene, hot glue or anything else to protect your hand from the bottom of the pool and the puck. Start with the puck in the middle of the pool and the teams lined up at either end (play also starts this way after a goal is scored). "Teams ready, go" starts the designated players racing to get possession of the puck. We play zones, like basketball, with forward offensive players and back defensive players. Rules are simple - no body contact unless your stick is on the puck (ie no forechecking or moving screens), no touching the puck with anything but your stick, and no detaining or obstructing another player (even if you do have the puck) by pulling off his mask or fins or holding on to him. One other
important piece of equipment - besides mask, fins, snorkle and glove, it is a very good idea for everyone to wear some sort of ear protection, like water polo caps or wrestling headgear. Broken eardrums from another player running into you or kicking you are the most common injury (but it doesn't happen often if you're wearing headgear). Simplified Position Outlines Center: Tries to get initial possession of the puck. Is an offensive player and generally positioned directly on or in front of the play. Wings (right and left): Score goals and steal the puck from the other team's defense. Both are offensive players that stay in front of the play for forward passes. When in trouble, pass backward to the halfbacks. Watch that the weak side wing (on the side the puck isn't) doesn't drift too far onto the strong side - your halfbacks will be trying to feed the puck up the weak side (where the other guy's defense isn't) and need someone to put it in the goal. Halfbacks (right and left): Stop the other team and feed the wings. Strong side (the side the puck is on) follows behind the play closely, weak side is last man back, guarding the goal. Careful - strong and weak side can switch quickly so halfbacks have to do a lot of swimming up and down the pool to stay in position. Swingback: Defensive player, second to last man back. Backs up the halfbacks especially when the play is moving from one side of the pool to the other. Plays the "pivot point" that the whole defense is based on. Equipment Puck - Lead disk coated with plastic 30mm thick, 80mm diameter. Sticks - Wood or plastic (they must float). See specs. Make at least 12 sticks, half painted white, half black. Gloves - See specs. In a pinch any old glove covered with duct tape or padded with wet suit material will do, but it is important that new players have good hand protection or they will not return. Goals - Official CMAS goals are 3 meters lang and expensive. Anything as simple as weight belts or weighted PVC pipe will do for now.
Pool - An ideal pool for underwater hockey would have a flat smooth (tile or fiberglass) 25 yard long playing area 7 to 9 feet deep."

Bubba done be asleep after the first puck. He has a hard time wid big words even when Clem reeds out loud to him. Clem be all learnt up about the new sport of theys. They gonna be the first red neck hockey players in history. Bubba is alreedy thanking of how to reecrute some more crackers to have em a hocky team out of Bubba and Clem's Dive Emporium and Gas Station. He is even gonna get em some surplus Vietnam war helmets at the Army and Navy Store in Buckhead and paint em like a dive flag, white with a red stripe on em. Bubba wonders how he will swim with that heavy steel pot on his noggin, but he figgers Clem knows best. Clem a figgers he can have a demo game at theys pool and attract all kinda folks to see em. Can they use the guard gater as a goalie?

The pilot comes on the loudspeaker in the plane and warns everybody to strap in and put theys seat in the upright position and lock the tray tables down cause theys heeding in to Logan International Airport. Clem shakes Bubba awake and theys cross themselves and sit a spell whilst the pilot approaches over the water to land at Logan. Bubba points out to Clem the Boston Light which he is proud to tell Clem is the first one built in the U S of A. Bubba is scaret quiet now cause it looks like theys gonna crash in the water cause the waves looks reel close, then finally they can see the cement landing strip. Clem is sure Bubba is gonna need to change britches when theys get to the Long Wharf Marriott Hotel where theys gonna stay while in Baaston. Theys just reel happy to be on the ground right now.

TO BE CONTINUED