North vs South

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving
to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you
adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes
The South has 'mater samiches

The North has coffeehouses,
The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services
The South as family reunions

The North has switchblade knives
The South has Lee Press-on Nails

The North has double last names
The South has double first names

The North has Ted Kennedy
The South has Jesse Helms

The North has an ambulance
The South has an amalance

The North has the Mafia
The South has the Klan

The North has Indy car races
The South has stock car races

The North has Cream of Wheat
The South has grits

The North has green salads
The South has collard greens

The North has lobsters
The South has crawdads

The North has the rust belt
The South has the Bible belt

The North has Barney Frank
The South has Bill Clinton

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to
help them. just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Don't buy food at this store.

Remeber, "ya'll is singular, "all ya'll" is plural, and "all ya'll's" is
plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

You may hear a Southerner say "Ought", to a dog or child. This is short
for "Ya'll ought not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
understand you either.

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol" as in "big'ol truck" or big'ol
boy". Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way.
All
of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey,ya'll, watch this, "stay out of
the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery
store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just
have to go
there.

When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road,
remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere, and that this
is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

Do not be surprised to find that 10 year olds own their own shotguns,
they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush, green lawn
is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

If one does settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will
accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven we wouldn't call them biscuits.