On the Road, Again

With Clem at the helm and Bubba all dooded up in hissen Cruise Director costume with the shiny buttons and the gold stripes on the epaulets, passing out fresh roasted goobers and RC Coke Colas and hissen cell phone number on a neat little card to the reel cute single womens, the happy dive group is on I85 headed to Florida.

Today is Clem's birthday and Bubba done set up the ultimate gift fer him. Bubba done sneaked that lil yankee gal in the yeller bikini string thang on the bus and he gonna surpass Clem. He snuck her in the bathroom and when Clem had to go, which will be reel soon causen his balter be the size of an English pee. Clem gonna be so happy. Bubba down gone down to the Pigley Wigley and had em make up a birthday cake special for Clem, but that darn guard gator got into it. Don't look like Clem gonna get no cake. That darned gator sure did like it and Rudy ate what were left which wernt much.

Well theys a heading down the highway and everyone's so happy and sanging along with Jimmy Buffett about that there son of a sailor and sum volcano place.

Well before theys get on I85 South ( what other direction is theys? ), they have to stop at a 7-11 to get some aspirin for a lady. Whilst they be stopped and everyone is meandering around the bus, a group of fellers with strange looken hair, called Rastafarians froms Jamaica comes up to Clem. Theys sees the bus and being in a ganja-influenced state of confusion, these fellers think the red strip on the white bus is for a famous Jamaican beer and theys figger that the bus be loaded down with the beers and that theys gonna help themselves. Them fellers wanna take over the bus till Bubba ambles out of the bus still in his Cruise Director costume toting a double barrel 12 gauge. The Rasta man in charge ( ya could tell he be de boss Rasta causen he be doing all the talken, saying stuff like "hay mon" ) sees the light or is it the glitter from the shiny buttons on the Cruise Director costume, no actually he sees down the big double holes Bubba done got pointed at his head. He then just axs for directions to the Varsity whilst he sweeting reel bad. Bubba ain't fooled and holds the weapon rock steady as the Rastas take to running. Bubba wanted to light off a round or two but he held back. The fellers wid the strange hair don't quit running till theys dry somewhere over in Coweta County.

Bubba is a hero now. The divers on the bus are all cheering and happy that they didn't get hijacked and offer to buy him supper and drinks. They didn't even call the state poolice.

The poor yankee girl in the yeller bikini string thang is still hiding in the bathroom and she is starting to take on a sweet causen the AC don't work reel good in the potty room.

Back on the road again. With Willy Nelson sanging a tune with that same name, Clem has done let Bubba drive and he heads for the potty room. When he opens the door he sees hissen dream girl all soaking wet but shes pretter than a speckled puppy. It reunion time for these two. She hugs up on ole Clem and kisses him plum on the mouth. Everyone now brakes out a singing Happy Birthday to Clem. He is so surprised he gets a big ole crocodile tear or ten in hissen eyes. Life is reel good Clem thinks.

They ease the big old dive flag looking bus back onto I85 and point it South once again. Afor ya knowed it theys rolling into Panama City down in LA. Theys head out to the beach where the motel be situated. The weather is perfect for divn, its 93 and no wind and the water is 84. It don't get no gooder.

Everybody checks into theys rooms and Bubba be pondering where he gonna stay. Clem tells him that he and Bubba will share the room and the yeller bikini string thang yankee girl will stay with one of the other single womens. Bubba is reel happy that he don't gort to stay with no stranger, even though its hard to get one stranger than Clem .

It time to head out to a good seafeed restaurant for supper. There is 24 of them so theys gets a couple big tables. Bubba so hungry that his stomach thanks hissen throat been cut. Everybody orders a nice seafeed meal and then Bubba orders. He take a shine to them oysters on the shell half, so he orders about 6 dozen of them. The waitress looks at him reel funny, but Clem gives her a reel stern look and tells her to fetch them right away. Bubba slurps them off the shells like a man on his way to the chair. After supper they bring out a couple tdozen cakes for Clem and everybody takes to sanging Happy Birthday for him again. Bubba picks up the tab and soigns the recept for his Gold Am Ex card and he leaves a big tip in cash money. Bubba know that tipping is more than a city in China.

Back at the motel, Clem and the yeller bikini string thang yankee cute girl take themseves a walk on the white power sand beach, the most pretty in all of Florida. Clem wakes up Bubba when he comes in the room at a quarter to 5 in the morning. Dang, theys went to walking at about half past ten that night before. Bubba wonders where the heck theys walk to? Youngens and theys foolishness he thanks, causen he six months older than Clem.

Heck, its coming up on time for the morning feeding. Clem knows of a greasy spoon joint right down the street where theys can get sum reel food for breakfast and none of them bugles. They wake up the yeller bikini string thang yankee cute girl to brang her to the feeding too. She orders two eggs over easy and link sausage and whole-wheat toast with a big cup of coffee. Bubba reel hungry so he orders 6 biscuits with sausage gravy, grit, and 4 scrambled eggs with some crispy bacon and a RC Coke Colar. The waitress tells him she don't got no RC Coke Colar he would have to settle fer a regular Coke. Clem orders him 4 stacks of pancakes, grit, and sausage as well as a regular Coke A Colar and some home fried taters in sausage grease and 4 big ole buttermilk biscuits, with grape jelly.

Theys head back to the motel and a start waking folks up for breakfast ( Bubba and Clem eat fer free at that greasy spoon for bringing in so many folks on a Saturdey and Sonday morning to eat ) and for the trip to the dive boat. Can it get any bettern this?

TO BE CONTINUED