It has become obvious to native-born Southerners
that the present astrological signs have long since served their purpose and
that new signs are required. When you drive around small towns you see
bulls, and once in a great while a ram. Somewhere in town there are a
pair of twins or two, but you don't see them much. The rest
of those ancient things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on
vacation. There are no lions or scorpions; not many archers and no
dang'd water bearers. Virgins? The
neighborhood's not crawling with them either. So, what Southerners
need here
is some relevance. They need things they can recognize up there in the night
sky. That's why they have created a new set of astrological signs for
Southerners.
Scroll Down To Your Birth Date! ( if uuse smart enuf )
OKRA (December 22 - January 20): Although you appear crude, you are
actually
very slick on the inside. Okra's have a tremendous influence. An
older Okra
can look back over his life and the seeds of his influence everywhere.
Stay away from Moon Pies.
CHITLIN (January 21 - February 19): Chitlins often come from humble
backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they
come from. A Chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's
motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins
be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and
this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish
and Okra.
BOLL WEEVIL (February 20 - March 20): You have an overwhelming
curiosity.
You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore
deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very
intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their
right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.
MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20): You're the type that spends a lot of
time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of
Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are the key words here.
You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea.
It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about
aerobics. Maybe not.
POSSUM (April 21 - May 21): When confronted with life's difficulties, Possums
have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a
"don't-bother-me-about-it" attitude. Sometimes you become so
withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably
not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day,
however, it won't work, and you may find your problems actually running you
over.
CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21): Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an
office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer
the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the
living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but
you have very, very good heads.
COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23): Collards have a genius for communication.
They
love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence
with essences of those around them. Collards make good social workers,
psychologist, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes,
if you are a Collard, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work.
Save yourself a lot of heartache.
CATFISH (July 24 - August 23): Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the
heart, with one exception. Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones.
You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy
bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away
from Moon Pies.
GRITS (August 24 - September 23): Your highest aim is to be with others like
yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits.
You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think about joining a club.
Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or
butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere they have all these things, that
serves you well.
BOILED PEANUTS (September 24 - October 23): You have a passionate desire
to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your
friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and
their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much
softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you
want because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of
life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.
BUTTER BEAN (October 24 - November 22): Always invite a Butter Bean
because
Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean,
should be proud.
You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the
setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have
anything to do with Moon Pies.
ARMADILLO (November 23 - December 21): You have a tendency to develop a
tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for
you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and insects.
You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions
and trends. You're not concerned with anything today. You're
really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns.
You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another, somewhat
kinky, mating possibility.