1. You dive a place called Possum Kingdom.
2. You have a gun rack on your BC.
3. Your dive flag is "The Stars and Bars".
4. You have to clean the kudzu off your gear before you use it.
5. You get in a spittin' contest with your DM.
6. You have to remove the chaw before putting your regulator in your mouth.
7. When you spit in your mask it turns brown.
8. You think craw-dads are fresh-water lobsters.
9. Your boat has more than 6 beer cans rollin' around in the bottom.
10. Your snorkel is a piece of radiator hose off'n your '57 Chevy
11. You have your dive gear serviced after you pick it up from the pawn shop.
12. You have a spit cup on a D-ring on your vest.
13. You have more than two dive buddies named Junior or Bubba.
14. The buckle on your weight belt is silver with your name on it.
15. You have to decide whether to take that AOW course or pay off the taxidermist.
16. Then you list that AOW course whenever you're asked about advanced education on a job app.
17. You can't decide which baseball hat to wear on the dive boat.
18. Your dive bag says Hefty on the side.
19. They won't let you on the dive boat in your boots.
20. You have to leave your dog on the dock...
21. You refer to twin tanks as "Dualies".
22. Your dive shop is located in a trailer park.
23. You carry your knife in your dive boot.
24. You complain because the price of an air fill exceeds that of a six pack of Lone Star beer.
25. All the dive boats you go on have two names (Peggy Sue, Bobbie Jo...)
26. You rate the dive by how "narced" you get.
27. You've always wished that Wrangler made wetsuits and Roper made booties.
28. You prefer fake mother of pearl snaps over zippers to close your wetsuit.
29. You think a pony bottle is a 40 oz adult beverage.
30. You look for dive slaves every time you see a dive master.